For a total amount you talk
Unless violence swings on complete
Cock, we had better measure
Kiss with an element which exceeds
Morons deer games won piled
And cross over the wild and
Random expanses fresh or maybe
Rebellious yes rebelling while
Yardsticks are used to collect
Kef and major edges measured by
Individual drunken magnitudes
Lightheartedness while coating precious
Lists of everything blasphemed.
When I was working in Kentucky at a girl scout camp, toward mid-summer I went out with some other counselor ladies to TN.
We stayed at hotels in Memphis and Nashville and it was a long wild weekend, but toward the beginning one night in the middle of our drive we stopped at one of the counselors' parents houses.
It was a hot and beautiful night full of stars and mischief.
The counselors were younger than I and impressionable. Over the course of the drive, I had borrowed both of their cell-phones to make prank calls.
I even dialed a number close to my own and an exceedingly nasty woman answered. I called again and she was dumb enough to answer a second time.
While they were indoors, I sat on the curb outside dialed and dialed, leaving spastic patois and jive accents in my wake. Unrecognizable to the perturbed answerer.
One woman challenged me, tho'. As I stared up into the the southern spark-strewn black she talked and I talked and the lonely in her found a story in me. The exchange was warm and kind.
Fathomable and full of small truths, the kind a palm-reader tells you.
I stopped calling after her. I think I got what I wanted or needed, after that.
The next day the counselor's phones rang and rang with people calling back out of curiosity and confusion.
206 East Seventh Avenue. New York City, 1953.
Finally Billy Burroughs is topping Allen Ginsberg in his apartment living room somewhere between the roll-up couch and the orientally shagged floor and it's a moment the latter has been jerking it to for some time.
He is determined to be Bud's best lay (nobody calls Billy "Bud" but Allen, who gets away with the pet name probably because it's only used privately indoors), and maybe earn a scraped knee or two trying, cranking his soaking ass right up there to the hilt. Al's come twice but nothing much ever leaks out of his little brown jewcock and pecan balls anyway, so he keeps powering down until about twenty seconds from now when Bud busts and hunches fast over Al like he's captured kill.
Al has taken so many mental pictures as this "tea-n-tea'' real-life afternoon unfolds, his sweaty hair-pulled scalp is tingling in heady waves. Bud makes noises Al's never heard anyone else make ever while he nuts and he's stealing them also for potential later use. Al is only nervous about one thing and that's having more body hair than Bud, but Bud gives zilch for fucks about all that and knows Al was angling for his prick for awhile and Al doesn't really know that Bud is currently taking out his frustrations over someone else who is somewhere else out on him.
It's just sex and it's good. No one is falling in love here.
He pulls out. They arrange themselves and collapse. The room is musty with fornication and the muted chaos of it leaves Al grinning deliciously. Bud smells like stale cigarettes and the last glimmers of a once-bright aftershave wafting from the heat of him. Al watches Bud's thick dick soften and sink. He concentrates on this and mentally connects it with his asshole and the raw bliss of the worked-over feeling he's earned there.
After another moment, Al goes for the cigarettes. He'd been admiring Bud's breathing. Flat on his back, chest rising and falling with the small rouge nipples spread wide over the white barrel. Mouth open and near sleep in the 3pm light. Al fidgets anyway- a default setting from feeling so perpetually freaky-deakey all the time- but is afraid now Bud will catch him watching.
He does his best to be quiet and careful. Strikes the match and gets on with the next phase of afterglow.
Because I remember what it was like to stand in the middle of the living room and open my arms wide and spin and spin and spin... /
NIGHT OUT 2025-
First the hot sunset. A real desert burner. Then thunder hiccuping like a sphincter deep in your gut.
Thick clouds, real in their gilt edges within the pale uniform of tired indigo washing out the sky beyond. That end-of-summer rain on approach. Fetid downpour ripe as a tramp. Slowly clearing.
Full evening takeover, then.
A hazy, half-fat moon. Over half. Gibbous waxing, wet as a jawbreaker worked over by a dog.
Before all this. Hard to believe now what those clouds looked like. Wide and peach-milk-pink. Spilled strawberry milkshake melted out on a lamp. Then atrophied blue gangrened deep thru. Corrupted simple under the sounds of bootsteps in blind alleyways.
The bar closed down after a good run and the team had themselves a long final party. They put on music the boss would never let them play with clientele in the place, and proceeded to destroy the ambiance with their bare hands. It would stand empty for a time after that.
Meanwhile- bass and smoke. Expletives, skateboards and some game on. More of everything than usual, especially sirens.
The city a bit of clamor and noise reeling amongst itself.
A ponderous night, drunk on new wind. Streetlamps courting miles of loneliness in all directions.
People can feel summer gasping its last and they want it gone, but they don’t either. It would be hard to make a false world and stay there while any windows are open and the whispered threat of more rain is riding the airy relentlessness.
However, a week prior is an example. Another place, courting the taxidermied reverb of memory.
Earlier, in the park made of late afternoon and bench and foliage in a neighborhood different from your own, a man stands in the shade of the garden not far from your spot and sings the same song aloud over and over. The book is good. You put it down to close your eyes. You are wearing heels. You are perhaps a half hour away from stopping at a new bar and killing more time before an art show.
Is it Friday? A day hazing over fast into the good long while of night. Both are so happy to have had themselves. To have been connected.
This was long after the rooftop days were over. Removed and exposed from the vantage of three or more stories.
Still stranded on a long road abandoned to cold on the saddest night of your life. These opposites were the same. They came before and after the dream-within-dream world of another bedroom.
Here you climb into the bed. Heavy covers lush and cool. You wake and find the envelope hidden under the pillow.
“Give this to the butler” says the fine paper with a black key etched to its opposite side. When he comes, you do. Then change into a red robe to follow the tall handsome butler silently out into the carpeted castle hallways and down. Down into a tearoom where you are expected. You greet and join your ancestors for light repast until the sun too goes down. Thru the prismatic glass all netted together with tall wrought iron spires, it turns into a polished cherry flame and winks out.
What do you do then? What do you say?
Come back now. Quit dreaming. It is Friday after all. The last of the last. Someone stumbled in to the place saying “I’m just here for the piano.”
Many hours later everyone made it home, altho’ the homes they made it to weren’t always theirs to start.