I Don't Bend That Way - A meditation on BDSM from a reluctant top / by D.M. Jerman

Hey.
So, I figured this out quite awhile back.
But I guess I just wanted to say something for the record.
Especially if it helps clarify anything about this business to somebody, anybody, else.

It took me a long time to understand this.
For a long while, most people around me who claimed to have a good handle on it and were "into it" couldn't articulate what it really was...
That this either made them feel ashamed, or gave them a talisman of secret(s) to proport, or both: inconsequential.

Bondage.
Whips. Tape. Chains. Cuffs. Rope. Plastic Wrap. Buttpulgs. Ballgags. Metal. Leather. Vinyl. Etc, etc.
Maybe I'm stupid. But as it turns out, this stuff, stuff, is everything...
Everything BUT Actual Sex.

It is all the titillating foreplay in the world, except actual intercourse.

It could include intercourse too. But really, this crazy kind of kink is concerned lastly and in the most cursory way, with sex.

Does that make sense? I hope so. I'm not sure how to be more devestatingly simple than this.

Maybe all the words in the world won't elucidate it, and you are forced to experience it as I did- confused and angered by the confusion, and sad and sort of hurt and, well, maybe a lot hurt...

But hopefully, in the end, if, like I did, you find out that this stuff isn't really for you- that you really just like the stripped-down plain-old skin-to-skin standard-body contact, no-equipment-required-vanilla (because vanilla is actually a really really good flavor)- then you'll be okay with it. You'll be okay all around.
OK that it's not really your thing. OK that you let yourself get a little used and a little hurt for the education. Ok that other people you love and don't want to see get hurt either, are into it.

Finally getting it, without being into it. And in doing so, being okay with all of it.